Tami,
I see from your extreme dedication you are but one step away from pure non-climber legend status. All that remains for you is to embrace that last name of yours and acquire a lethal dose of Swine Flu. Then and only then will your name be forever held as a legend of non-climbing. We may even dedicate an annual international no climbing event to yourself.
keep up the non effort….the less you do the harder it gets