Done and Dusted – A West Australian Bodice Ripper

I do not think there can be any life quite so demonstrative of character as that which we had on these expeditions. One sees a remarkable reassortment of values. Under ordinary conditions it is so easy to carry a point with a little bounce; self-assertion is a mask which covers many a weakness. As a rule we have neither the time nor the desire to look beneath it, and so it is that commonly we accept people on their own valuation. Here the outward show is nothing, it is the inward purpose that counts. So the ‘Gods’ dwindle and the humble supplant them. Pretence is useless. Captain Scott 5 May 1911

By the time I turned fifty years old in 2006, Matt Rosser and myself had spent the best part of the six years since I had left the Army establishing many new rock climbing routes. Every Easter and Christmas we religiously headed south to a cliff somewhere in the Stirling Ranges, the Porongurups, the great southern monadnocks of Chudulup, Roe and Frankland or along the southern coastline from Margaret River to Albany. The weekends would see us climbing in the Darling Ranges to the east of Perth. Occasionally others like Danilo Zonta, Neil Gledhill, Harry Butler, Bjorn Aikman, Matt Rogerson, Ron Master, Robin Macarthur and Pete Mckenzie would join us. They all came and went while we climbed consistently.

The southwest of Western Australia contains some of the greatest sea, desert and forested cliffs in the Antipodes; many of them formally submerged reefs from Gondwana Land. The cream is yet to be scooped with scope for thousands of new routes for those prepared to get amongst it. We produced a climbing anthology as we went containing some of Western Australia’s best climbs and the stories behind them. We were renown for the names of our climbs and our carrot bolt anchors as much as the number of routes that we put up. To many other arm chair climbers it was akin to climbing on the wrong side of the Swan River. To others we were simply setting the agenda as an anonymous blogger called Brush Tailed Phascogale had cause to write on the Climber’s Association website in 2005. “Just like galah, noisy, chews holes in everything and bites for no apparent reason. Good on the duo for continuing to put up new routes while many are content to thrash up the same old bit of rock. Personally I don’t mind the themes of their new climb names, that’s the prerogative of the first ascentionists and at least the names are consistent. The mid-range grades of their numerous new routes makes them well accessible to a range of climbers and as for the carrots, I love them, whether they be amid the vast slabs of Gibraltar Rock, hiding amongst the crystals at Mt Frankland or peppering a blasted out hillside on the scarp, it’s all part of the unique atmosphere of climbing in WA.” Carrots bolt anchors to us, were all part of the unique Australian climbing experience.

The conquest of the South West saw big ground falls on first ascents by Matt Rosser at Boomer Crag and by Bjorn Aikman at Shark Rock. There was an even bigger fallout between Matt and Bjorn over climbing style. Such is life amongst athletes. There was endless walking through Parrot Bush with kids searching for Ron Master’s forgotten cliff although the original walk into Peak Head and West Cape Howe were now tracks. It was not possible to sleep in the old picnic shed at Bluff Knoll which had sadly gone although some things have not changed like the heat of Churchman’s Brook. Skinny dipping was still all the go at Willyabrup although the walk-in access track is heavily eroded. The huts in the Porongorups Forest and at Mount Frankland were still popular places to camp.

One of our better finds was Oakley Falls which Matt Rosser rediscovered in September 2000 while I was at the Sydney Olympics. Climbing began in earnest soon after and we virtually climbed it out within six months. There is great camping beside the dam built in 1939 to provide water for steam locomotives. Beer, chips and other climbing supplies can also be obtained in Pinjarra. Try Say Sorry with Money on Fox Wall which is a bloody good climb. Another good area is Blair Wall which was climbed in late 2000 with guest appearances by Ron Master and Bjorn Aikman. The climbing at Pangea Boulders involved multiple approaches on hot days in November 2000 and inclusive of a heat exhaustion epic with Gary Claridge and Charles McCrombie while hiding from Alcoa security patrols. Belt Fed is possibly the highest natural vertical route outside Mount Randall.

All routes at nearby Boomer Hill were done over five consecutive weekends in early 2001. It was a very rewarding find after we had virtually climbed Oakley Falls out and delightful climbing beside the South Dandalup River. Just so you know, there used to be a real Skimpy at the Stud Country Tavern to finish off a days work and so Skimpy’s Crack bares her arse and it also bears her name. Boomer Crack was the first line to fall on a day when there were literally hundreds of kangaroos bouncing all over the paddocks. Fuel for the Urban Warrior saw a spectacular fall to the deck on the first attempt by Matt. Boobyer Boulders is on the northern side of Boomer Hill at the headwaters of the Little Dandalup Creek and all routes on the southern boulder were climbed over three weekends in early 2001 with much inspiration from Leutenant Birdy Bower RN, avid Himalayan cyclist from Scott’s last expedition. Celebrate his spirit with a cheerful March 29 ascent of Rosser and Truscott on the Ramp. The boulders were found after much questioning of locals and the northern boulder waits some hard men. Great things are done when men and mountains meet; This is not done by jostling in the street. William Blake.

Together with CALM we rejuvenated Mountain Quarry, turning trundling into a fine art. We would make jokes about our portable jackhammer dubbed the Love Machine and other nasty bolting equipment. We pounded and pounded with hand-held hammers no more. ‘Boya boys don’t use girlie bolts’ was our catchcry and I proudly wore some old Ron Master boots for some ten years with multiple resoles before they finally wore out. Inside Out which was done in 2002 is now infamous for its plastic holds to get everyone out of the gym. The Shield of Achilles is one of the highest, and one of the best lines in Perth; a real crowd pleaser. Remember not to think about Napoleon surrendering to his accountant when surmounting the mantle of despair. It has got a bit of everything like Sex, Cigarettes and Chardonnay and there are more lines to come on the back wall. I used to vomit thinking about Mountain Quarry but the place has come of age with many fine lines like The Whiz and the Luck of the Draw on the backwall. Visiting European climbers rank the quarry with some of the best in the world.

Statham’s Quarry has provided years of fun and quality routes and there are some superb routes like Carbon Dogs. We saw an abseiler bounce to his near death in April 2006, always a vivid reminder of mortality. There are good positions and great climbing on Carrot Master. Do not miss the clockwise pirouette on Quarry Man. Some wanker took the bolts from Quarry Man and Lifestyle Refugees in late 2005 but we have since put them back. Boya Quarry yielded 23 new routes, by far the most in the greater Perth area and there is more to come. The Western Baylet has a hard one called Go Nuclear. The Battle for Hill 60 relented to storm trooper tactics after several weekends just like its WWI namesake. We just had to use Rosser and Truscott – the Movie in May 2005 after much rock was removed from this section and which now lays hidden in the grass. Crisis Master and Power of the Old Carrot were done on the same day in September 2001 and are just bloody fantastic. The names were given like a dog to leave our mark. Blair Fox Man was done some years later after looking at it for a long time and after pulling off an incredible amount of rock in the East Bay. It is now perhaps the best wall in Perth for sports routes – all very challenging and done over a few years between October 2001 and April 2003. I practiced Exhilarating Heights in my dreams until it became possible. On one occasion Jon Muir was on a lecture tour after he walked south to north across Australia solo and we climbed The Great Mission in honor of his achievement.

Elsewhere around Perth there are plenty of large cattle ticks at Bald Hill Boulders in the Avon Valley but a pleasant place to visit from time to time. Scott Street Quarry has produced some hard bastards including Regime Change which at 23 is the hardest new route that I have ever led in September 2002. Barrington Quarry has some fantastic lines like Dynomite after much quarrying in some cases and mostly done over four weekends in April and May 2002. One route Gathering the Bones took an incredible amount of physically strenuous work. Pussy Rock was all done on one day while vainly searching the forest around Jarrahdale. The fixed wire left by an unknown first climber remains known only to god. Kensitt Street Boulders were climbed out on one day in March 2004 after we heard from CAWA about the boulders! Churchman’s Brook surrendered some surprising finds in November 2004 and January 2005 as we continued our quest for one new route at every existing area. Whiskey with a Sting in the Tale was subsequently claimed back by Chipper who never wrote it up some years before. Mac’s Back Yard at the eastern end of Wungong Valley was talked about for years before we got Robin Macarthur to take us there in February 2005. There is still some stuff there if you go looking. The Parapets at the western end of Wungong Valley yielded a couple of beauties over two weekends in July and August 2004 and there are still more to go along with a few snakes in the cracks for added interest. Neil Gledhill led us to Outer Darlington on a weekend in October 2001 and our kids nearly burned the place down playing with fire. Our only route at Darlington Boulders proper, The Horror Brigade of the Islamic Secret Army, was done with Danilo Zonta while scouring Perth’s existing areas for new routes.

Lhama Rock was named after the many Lhamas in the paddock at the time and is pleasant climbing beside Chittawarra Brook. Neil Gledhill told us about this area and we were immediately climbing all over it like a rat up a drainpipe. Matt as a consequence is on the cover photo on the CAWA guidebook. It was a pity that Lhama Arête was not glued as it had many more features which were pulled off following multiple top roped attempts. The initial routes were done in November 2001 but the hard ones took a while to fall with some competition from Jon Gregg. The nearby Totem, Sentinel and Stylidium Rocks on the Helena River went done over two consecutive weekends in November 2001 with Neil Gledhill, Jon Gregg and Conrad Slee in tow. Connoisseur Rocks followed in March 2003. Shark Rock was climbed out in July and August 2000 before the Olympics and witnessed Ron Master’s demise at seeing the drill. Ron will forever remain famous for the Fin and Ethical Meltdown. There were big ground falls on Ground Zero and Phalanx. The Slab of Utter Despair was finally done by Ron and myself while Smash and Grab at Grade 22 was one of my better performances.

Bluff Knoll in the Stirling Ranges is a climber’s cliff in the real sense of the word and as good as anything in the European Alps. Our first ascent of The Mark of the Lion inaccurately dubbed as a nasty bolting incident has more innuendo surrounding the first ascent than the Australian Wheat Board scandal. The Kangaroo Court that met in absentia was simply full of shit. Our directissma on the front face of Sophocles Pillar was bolted with the knowledge of Peter McKenzie. Full credit must go to Peter for first climbing the pillar as the 85 metres of climbing overhangs by five metres at the top. The pillar is fairly serious as it juts out from the face and goes to the top with many overhangs across its 4 to 7 metre width. Peter’s route traverses back and forwards up the face, dependent upon sparse natural protection whereas our route in December 2001 goes straight up. The lines are distinctly different. It took five years until March 2006 before a second ascent was made. Likewise Talyuberlup still has many routes if you are prepared to walk. Flying Backwards was done as part of an Easter trip in March 2002. Mt Trio is one of the better faces in the Stirlings with great access. Try routes like Carpediem and you will not be disappointed. The 80 metre overhanging Central Buttress has since has routes put up all over it. Hail Salathe provides exposed and overhanging climbing on big jugs and the Mt Trio Pied De Monte Boulders are a great place to camp.

Rehearsing the Fate of Absalom at Marmabup Rock in the Porongurups was done over a Christmas Trip in 2001. It involved an original saga with a non-hammer drill when Harry Butler and I first spotted the route some years before. There is plenty left at Manvat Peak and Twin Peaks for the drill, wire brush and hardmen. Twin Peaks is also well worth the hours of epic bush bashing from the Millinup Pass. Try The Invasion of the Barbarians for good measure. Fuck the bloke who lives on the other side and who will not allow access. We are yet to raid West Cape Howe and there are still some routes to be found at Willyabrup if you study the cliff intensely. There are also many routes at places like Monkey Rock and the western side of Mt Melville near Albany.

The rock on Mount Chudulup, south of Northcliffe provides brilliant friction climbing and the photo in the Northcliffe museum of the dirty drunken druids doing their stuff in the forest in 1928 is a feature. It was first written up in the original Southern Granite Guide Book in 1974 and while there have been visits by many others it is surprising that it has yielded so many good lines such as Blood in the Balance and In the Company of Cheerful Climbers. There is much emotion by CALM about lichens and it offers great camping. It remains a mystery as to who has done the climbs on the eastern wall which we called Druids Wall. Mount Frankland, the better known monadnock just down the road, is almost climbed out although you can still find some quality lines. We did Purveyors of Matters Large and Small for the Masses as part of a Christmas trip in December 2004.

Compared to everything else that we have done, climbing at Mount Roe was like a modern conquest of a great southern monadock; a bit like penetrating the heart of a wilderness zone. This mountain, north of Mount Frankland is one of the great southern monadnocks containing acres of granite and two distinct summits. There are extensive boulder fields waiting to be explored. Both the northern and southern summits have higher and lower cliffs separated by very distinct ramps and it is well worth the visit. Why was it written off by earlier climbers in 1974 we do not know? There was an initial failed reconnaissance when confronted by the die-back disease gate. Then we gave it our first go in late 2005 with much bush bashing and an inability to locate Rocky Road. We experienced much success with our second, third and fourth visits in early 2006 with lines like Awesome and Infamous on the south summit before the word had got out through Google and other leaks. It is amazing how technology changes attitudes with light rope that tows aeroplanes, more battery power for the drill, human grit, lots of bolts and push bikes. The mountain has some history which is yet to be written with WWII ammunition boxes. There are cracks still to go and it was amazing that we could not get Mark Wilson, Emil Mandyczewsky, Jon Gregg or Neil Gledhill interested when it became public knowledge in early 2006. There are fantastic lines like No Place for Girlie Men. It is physical; you know that you have been climbing and its goes up with a well defined crux. It has all the elements of a great climb in a fantastic wilderness setting. There is Roe Highway which is a modern day classic and high speed avenue of approach; a pearl of a route along with Roe Couloir which is a bloody great water streak between the two summits. Roe is an adventure bolting zone par excellence.

Escalading through life does not get any better than this with countless new routes, cigarettes, Kyrup syrup, wilderness forests, camaraderie, blood, sweat, tears, sin and sorrow. History will be kind to us because we intend to keep climbing it. World-class is our minimum standard. One hour of life, crowded to the full with glorious action, and filled with noble risk, is worth whole years of those mean observances of paltry decorum. Walter Scott